i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
