I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
