After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
