I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
