You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
