I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
