What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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