Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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