why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
