let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
