You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
