I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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