That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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