I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
