dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
