He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
