I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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