You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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