So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
