she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
