Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
