i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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