I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
