I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
