Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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