i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
