I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
