fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
