Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
