Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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