I need help removing her.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
