I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
