Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
