Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
