That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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