i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
