hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
