Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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