My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
