if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
