It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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