so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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