I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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