my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
