Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
