Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
