He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
