He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You ate ashes out of my bong
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
