youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
