He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
