How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
