She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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