Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
